Now we know you can do bad all by yourself; you don't need Hollywood to teach you how to ruin a relationship. But, the fact of the matter is, entirely too many people have been going to the movies to get advice on how to approach their own relationships. While some directors and writers (whose names shall remain nameless) have been misleading people, we here at The Urban Advocate don't want you to do bad in your love life. We want you to have successful relationships. So, Valentine's is right around the corner? Well, here are a few movies to watch and some lessons to learn, that may help you in your quest to find a loving and fruitful relationship.5) Poetic Justice
Now, I know some people may think this one is a weird one to start with, but follow me on this. The relationship between Lucky (Tupac Shakur) and Justice (Janet Jackson) was one that started off kind of rocky. But, it is one that teaches two very valuable lessons: don't jump to conclusions and acceptance. In the beginning of the movie, it seemed as if the two couldn't be more wrong for each other. But, as we begin to scratch the surface of the two characters, we start to see the chemistry was there all along and they kind of complimented one another. Some times, we need to learn how to give people a chance. A lot of successful relationships started off with one or both people being disinterested in the other, for what ever reason. By thinking this person is out of your league or that person is beneath you, you might miss out on a good thing. Get to know the person. Scratch the surface and peel back some of those layers. You might be surprised with what you discover. This person might not be "perfect" when you meet them, but eventually, you might find out that this person is everything you never knew you were looking for.
4) The Best Man
Some of you might feel this one is misplaced on the list; but, hey, who's list is this? I know there are a lot of relationships in this movie, but, I want you all to focus on the relationship between Lance (Morris Chestnut) and Mia (Monica Calhoun). This one has seen a lot of trials and tribulations. The lessons to learn here: shedding idealism and forgiveness. Lance was a football player and had his fair share of indiscretions, which Mia was willing to live through. But, when Lance found out she hadn't been entirely faithful to him (cheating on him with his best friend, the very same person that introduced them in the first place), his idealistic view of Mia crumbled and he was ready to throw in the towel. Now, this affair happened years ago while they were all in college, though, Lance didn't find out about it until the night before their wedding. Lance was then faced with a decision...go through with the wedding or call it off. Ladies and gentlemen, if you are going into a relationship/marriage thinking some one is perfect or would never do anything to hurt you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Bottom line, no one is perfect. People make mistakes and bad judgement calls. The relationships that stand the test of time, are the ones that have mastered the art of forgiveness. Be clear, I'm not telling anyone to be stay in an unhealthy relationship filled with disrespect or abuse (whether physical, mental, emotional or otherwise). But, I'm saying if you are in a healthy relationship and you want it to survive, you must be willing to look past some things. It's not going to be easy; but, nothing that's worth it ever is.
3) The Wood
Yes, another curve ball. The Wood is more of a coming-of-age story than a love story, but the relationship between Mike (Omar Epps/Sean Nelson) and Alicia (Sanaa Lathan/Malinda Williams) is a very interesting one with a few twists and turns in it. Important lesson : let things happen naturally and don't force it. Mike and Alicia first met while in junior high, they were friends and dated in high school and went their separate ways in college. When they see each other again at a friend's wedding years later, one is living in California and the other in New York. Seems like they weren't meant to be right? Depends on how you look at it. Some times you meet the right person at the wrong time. Some times the two of you want each other, but, you're not ready for each other. It happens. People fall in love with some one who is in a relationship with some one else. People fall in love with friends. No matter how close you are, it always seem like they're out of your reach. Some times life takes you in two different directions. But, if it's the right person, it's the right person and you won't have to force it...things will happen in their own time. It doesn't matter how far apart the two of you are or where life takes the two of you, you always seem to find your way back to one another. God has a way of putting this person back in front of you and presenting you with the opportunity to make it happen. Blame it on the boomerang effect.
2) Brown Sugar
This one really shouldn't surprise anyone, but yeah, Brown Sugar. The story of Andre (Taye Diggs) and Sidney (Sanaa Lathan) is the story of two kids watching each other grow up and achieve all the things they always dreamed of. The most important link in this relationship: friendship. Dre and Sid watched each other grow up for crying out loud! They know each other inside and out. They've celebrated each other's good times and supported each other through the bad times. But, no matter what happened in their relationship, they always maintained their bond. I can't stress the importance of friendship enough. Friendship by far, is the most stable foundation for any relationship. From my experience, some of the best and most successful relationships/marriages I've ever witnessed started off as friendships. Some times everything you've always been looking for in a mate is starring you right in your face and you don't even recognize it. Some times you meet a person, something about them seems so familiar. Think about it...who is the person you can spend the most time around, effortlessly? Your friend. Who knows you better than your friends? Probably, no one. My advice...set a solid foundation; friendship. Everything else can grow from that bond.
1) Love & Basketball
Let's be real...can you really argue with me on this one? It has to be one of the best black love stories we've seen on the big screen. The story of Quincy (Omar Epps) and Monica (Sanaa Lathan) is one that takes all the elements of the other films on this list and pulls them together. At some point or another, they all appear during the duration of this film. So, I'll tread softly on this one so I don't repeat anything I've already said. If there's something I want you to take from this film, it's faith and perseverance. Much like it did with Quincy and Monica, life will take you through a lot of twists and turns. But, real love connects two people for the rest of their lives, whether they spend it together or not. If a person is right for you today, they won't be any less right for you 10 years from now. They won't be any less right for you when they're living in Spain. They won't be any less right for you when they're getting ready to marry someone else. I've heard plenty of stories of lovers separating and reconnecting later in life, even after each have been married (and divorced) and had kids with other people. It happens. That doesn't mean you should keep trying to revive a dead relationship. If it's dead and you've gotten all the life you're going to get from it, let it go. But, there are some people in your past you still feel connected to. Something about them just keeps pulling at you. So it means, if life takes you on that roller coaster ride, ride it out graciously. If you believe this person is right for you, keep believing and eventually you'll see a window of opportunity open up again. When it opens up, you can either climb through it or watch it close in your face one more time. Remember, God will present us with the opportunity, but it's up to us to grab hold of it. Playing hard to get will have you warming the bench. Life and love is a crazy game; but should you choose to play it, play it to win.
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